Many people are taught—directly or indirectly—that sexuality is something that begins in adulthood and should follow a narrow set of rules. When lived experiences don’t fit that narrative, shame often fills the gap.
In reality, sexuality is a natural part of human development across the entire lifespan. What changes over time is not whether sexuality exists, but how it is understood, expressed, and integrated into a person’s life.
Recognizing this helps normalize experiences that many people carry quietly for years—sometimes decades—without language, validation, or permission to talk about them.
Sexual Development Begins Earlier Than Most People Are Told
Sexual development does not suddenly appear in adulthood. It begins before conscious awareness and long before meaning or identity is attached to it.
Research shows that male fetuses may experience erections while still in the uterus, and infants of all genders may touch or explore their genitals simply because the nervous system responds to sensation. These responses are physiological and self-regulating—not sexualized, intentional, or relational.
As children grow, their bodies may respond to stimulation in ways that feel pleasurable. Some children experience pleasure, and some may even experience orgasmic sensations, without understanding what those sensations mean. This is not pathology. It is the nervous system responding to stimulation.
Memory, Fantasy, and Meaning Can Begin Early
Some individuals remember early pleasurable bodily experiences vividly and carry those memories throughout their lives. For some, these early experiences later become part of fantasy or imagination—not because something is wrong, but because memory, pleasure, and imagination are closely linked in the brain.
Fantasy does not require action.
Fantasy does not define identity.
Fantasy does not carry moral meaning.
For many people, fantasy remains fantasy—and that is completely valid.
Childhood Curiosity Is About Learning, Not Adult Sexuality
During early childhood, curiosity about bodies is developmentally expected. Children may explore their own bodies, notice anatomical differences, engage in play such as “doctor,” or ask questions about nudity, birth, or bodily functions.
These behaviors are driven by curiosity and learning—not adult sexual desire.
Children are also often physically affectionate at this stage. Hugging, cuddling, and seeking closeness are healthy expressions of safety and connection. As social awareness grows, most children naturally develop modesty and privacy. This shift reflects development, not shame.
Same-Sex Exploration and Fantasy Are Normal
Exploration or curiosity involving same-gender peers is common in childhood and adolescence. This may include holding hands, kissing, or playful exploration.
This behavior:
- is developmentally normal
- does not predict sexual orientation
- does not require interpretation or correction
Sexual orientation develops through a combination of biology, temperament, environment, and lived experience. For some people, attraction feels innate. For others, experiences play a stronger role. For many, it is a blend of both.
There is no hierarchy.
Similarly, same-sex fantasy is common across orientations. Some people identify as heterosexual and have same-sex fantasies they never wish to act on. Others feel drawn to explore those fantasies in real life. Both experiences are normal.
Fantasy is a private, autonomous space.
There is no shame in imagination.
Adolescence: Awareness Without Obligation
As puberty approaches, hormonal and physical changes increase awareness of bodies, sensation, and attraction. Masturbation often becomes more common, and curiosity about intimacy and relationships naturally increases.
Many adolescents explore sexuality through fantasy, touch, kissing, and emotional closeness. Intercourse is not the default—and it is not the measure—of sexual development.
Exploration does not equal readiness. Curiosity does not require action.
Adulthood: Sexuality Is Individual, Fluid, and Contextual
Adult sexuality varies widely and changes over time. Desire may fluctuate depending on stress, health, trauma history, relationships, medication, parenting, or life transitions.
There is no “normal” amount of sex or desire.
Sexual expression in adulthood may include partnered intimacy, solo pleasure, sensual touch, emotional closeness, fantasy, or simply feeling at home in one’s body. All of these are valid expressions of sexuality.
Sexuality in Midlife and Beyond
For many women, menopause involves hormonal changes that can influence lubrication, tissue sensitivity, and comfort with penetration. Experiences such as vaginal dryness or discomfort are common and manageable, not signs that something is wrong. Supports like lubrication, external stimulation, slower pacing, and expanding what intimacy looks like often allow pleasure to remain present and satisfying.
For many men, testosterone production gradually shifts over time. Erections may take longer to develop, recovery time after orgasm may increase, and ejaculate volume may change. These experiences are normal physiological variations, not indicators that desire, intimacy, or pleasure have disappeared.
Even as people move through later stages of adulthood, the desire for closeness, touch, affection, and connection often remains strong—sometimes even when intercourse becomes less central to intimacy.
Sexuality adapts. It does not disappear.
The Takeaway
Your experiences are not abnormal.
Your body is not broken.
Your sexuality does not expire.
Sexuality is a lifelong, evolving part of being human—shaped by biology, experience, memory, fantasy, and relationship. Understanding this allows people to release shame and approach their bodies with curiosity rather than judgment.
At Pleasure Treasurz, we believe education is the foundation of safety—and safety is what allows pleasure to exist without apology.
This blog is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized medical or mental health care.
With care and intention,
Risa Katz, LCSW, FMCHC
Founder, Pleasure Treasurz
Licensed Clinical Social Worker | Functional Medicine Certified Health Coach
